Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
