girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
