help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
