i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
dude. I can hear the air.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
