I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
