u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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