well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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