If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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