i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
