And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
