I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
