We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
