There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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