Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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