You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
