Porn is love you can see.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
