I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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