she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
