bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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