I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
