Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Pants are for mortals
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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