Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
