fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize