either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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