Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
