those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
