So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
