May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
