Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
