I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I could make wine with my vomit
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
