Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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