Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
