i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
worst night to have a conscience
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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