I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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