Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i barfeds in our rink
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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