I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
