maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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