I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
