I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
