He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize