OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Did I show you my penis last night?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
