i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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