This is not my ceiling
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
God, I missed his penis.
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