Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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