Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
