At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
