the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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