I'm really into asian looking animals
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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