so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize