so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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