Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
