he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
