on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
