omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
