I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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