while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
