i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
