he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
