I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize