Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
