Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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