Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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