Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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