dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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