first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
